You know what, this is the first time in forever I've bought a newspaper. So, off to the newsagent I went for a newspaper and bottle of milk, laughing inside at the feeling of blending in with all the locals. I was actually excited, it was a trip down memory lane: Many years ago I lived in a house that was the second in a large complex of made to order houses, so we had a building site next door for years, best playground ever. The builders would buy the Sun everyday and leave them in the inadequately secured office, so we would sneak in at night and spend quite a lot of time discussing the days.....offering.....you know, near the front....'front' in fact being the important word. The wondrous page would then be snuck into my house and locked in The Briefcase, which was passed around between us for .....perusal. It was a happy time when we had no cares in the world and spent many hours locked in our bathrooms with The Briefcase, not to put too fine a point on it, masterbating furiously as if our lives depended on it.
Good times.
BUT, having walked home from my gloriously mundane trip to the shops with a keen sense of anticipation, it was to find NO B00BS! WHAT BETRAYAL IS THIS? I checked and rechecked. Football, propaganda, abysmal wordplay, plagiarism..... it was all there, but the one thing, THE ONE THING, that I craved was missing. Well, two things I suppose. It ruined my day.
Still, it made me appreciate the internet all over again. Don't worry, this story did have a happy ending.