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The Bikerat

Messages
2,683
Hi chaps and chapettes. I've been quiet on here as I concentrated on real life for a while, but I'm back with a project car. Some of you will hate this, some won't understand, but those of you that know my sense of humour might just find it amusing.

It's a long story: I bought a new civic, I've had nothing but problems and disappointment from it, but I'm stuck on a 3 year pcp. I carry mountain bikes around a lot, and the dealership assured me that I could use most of the available rear bike racks on it. Two weeks later I discovered that the tailgate is made of plastic and won't support a bike rack. NOT HAPPY. The only systems I can use are the Honda roof system or towball system, the cheapest working out at £900 for two bikes. I laughed at the Honda salesman and told him I could buy a Thule bike rack AND A CAR TO PUT IT ON for that price. He stared down his nose at me with an expression that said "stop being an ar5e, we both know you're going to buy this because it's your only option". So I went and bought a Thule bike rack and a car to put it on.








It's a mighty 998cc Micra. Including purchase, tax, insurance, Thule roof bars and two bike rack it was considerably cheaper than the Honda bike rack. :lol:

There is, clearly, no point trying to make this car pretty, so I won't even try. I'm going to mess around and see what I can do without spending money, just for a laugh. I want people to stare, and point, and laugh, and generally be very confused.
 
I'm going to shamelessly crowd source ideas on here. Any idea, no matter how dumb, offensive, outlandish or bizzare, is most welcome.

First sketch in MS paint:



If anybody wants to play:

 
Oh, I already have roof bars and stickers on the way. The footwells have been carpeted with offcuts I was given, I have some spotlights that have been sitting in the garage for years, I have some material to cover the door cards, I've been given a decent stereo and speakers.

I've started fixing the bad spots on the paint, and there's a few odd jobs to be done, but it's in amazingly good condition mechanically.
 
:lol: Subbed, this thread is already full of win!

You can quit on a PCP deal by the way, something like when you are 50% through the payments. Or complain to the PCP provider that you were mis-sold the car.
 
:lol: Subbed, this thread is already full of win!

You can quit on a PCP deal by the way, something like when you are 50% through the payments. Or complain to the PCP provider that you were mis-sold the car.

Partially true, once you have paid 50% of the total cost you can just hand the car back and walk away. Did that with our top spec 59 plate CRV as the new model wiped out used car prices overnight.

ps love the bikerat!
 
Love the bikerat! Just out of interest what problems have you had with the new civic? Is it a petrol or diesel? Just curious as my misses is looking at getting one!
cheers
 
Painted hub caps is a must right? Some crazy off colour like purple or go full crazy and do each one different.
 
Badman tings.

There's a slammed one going around tarleton with a blended smooth widebody and deepdish alloys mounted at an eyewartering level of camber. I always see it and think, "what a nob". #coolstorybro
 
LOL, who would have though a 1L Nissan would get love on a Type-R owners forum?!

I should have mentioned, it's staying standardish for a while for insurance reasons. We're using it to get my mate through his driving test, so no paint, wheels or suspension until that's done. However, I think we can get away with some interior tomfoolery and "fixing the bad paint". Possibly some whitewall tyres.
 
Right, the civic (Dec '15 sportnav diesel). I don't want to b1tch and moan about it, so here's a summary and we'll leave it at that:

I've looked into every option I could find for returning it, they would all leave me financially crippled.

The Hondaconnect system is rubbish. The only phones it supposedly has full function with is an iPhone 5 or some 5 year old android that's out of production. We haven't been able to connect anything properly, including an iPhone 5. It's just a bad system based on out of date software.

The visibility out the back is just unbelievable.

The central locking system has failed (and locked me out completely) five times now.

The clutch failed after 900 miles.

The satnav has no option to avoid small roads and farm tracks. In the highlands, that's a real problem.

You will get nowhere near the claimed 78.8mpg. It's my favourite game and the closest I can get is 66.

Any hint of snow and the tyre deflation warnings go crazy.

By far the worst thing is the stability system. It's designed to straighten the car in case of an uncommanded yaw, i.e. hitting a deep puddle with the wheels on one side, it does this by braking the opposite front wheel. Put it in the snow and it's a nightmare. The system can't handle the changes in drag between the wheels and ends up bringing the car to a halt, literally. Worse than that, if you hit a patch of slush/snow on one side while the other is on tarmac, the wheel that has grip is braked and the wheel without grip isn't, and the car spears off in the opposite direction to what you expected. Then it registers this overcorrection and tries to correct that....... this can lead to some pretty sporting fishtailing. ALSO, because it's only braking the front wheels, it makes the car horribly unstable downhill in the snow.
This system cannot be turned off. I've spent most of my life living in ski resorts, I know how to drive in the snow, this is BY FAR the worst car I have ever driven in the winter. Honda won't admit that it's a problem, even though all four of their new civics were crashed in the first two weeks of snow last winter (one demo car and three driven by staff). I won't drive this car if there is even a hint of snow or ice. It's dangerous.

Let's be fair, this is now my fifth civic, and I know a fair few people that like Hondas, so I thought it was a fairly safe bet for a new car. It's the worst car I've ever owned. End of story, move on, no more b1tching and moaning. I'm going to grin and bear my mistake, and never wash it as a petty form of revenge, let's say no more about it.
 
Sorry to hear about the new car woes.

I've never been tempted by a new car for this very reason. I'd rather let someone else discover all the problems a make/marque inherently has.

That said, my dad has had a 62 plate 1.8 petrol civic from new, literally not had a single problem with it. There's still good'ns and badduns with every type of car I guess.
 
LOL, who would have though a 1L Nissan would get love on a Type-R owners forum?!

I should have mentioned, it's staying standardish for a while for insurance reasons. We're using it to get my mate through his driving test, so no paint, wheels or suspension until that's done. However, I think we can get away with some interior tomfoolery and "fixing the bad paint". Possibly some whitewall tyres.

Because we know you will do wonderfully stupid things with it!

Makes me want to trade the ep in and buy a sh*ter to mess around around with in stupid way and run into the ground until new car adventures next year.
It really does sound fun, I have always wanted to do a banger rally for that reason.

Look forward to when you can start the modding
 
Two 9G Civics on the family here, but we both run winter tyres in the winter and they've both been OK in the snow so far (touches own wood).

Crap about the clutch and central locking though. That's just plain poor. No option to try and reject the car if anything like that happens again?

The FK2 is supposed to get 38 mpg, load of rubbish. I'm languishing around 31 at the minute.

I've a very strong suspicion this might be my last Honda for a few years. Last Civic at least.

Anyway, back to the other Beast from the East! Can you supercharge these at all?!
 
Oh i've got some naughty ideas for this car, S-Tuner.net to the rescue :twisted:
 
These things are like a go-kart, got a friend who recently went through a phase of owning these. Excited to see what you do with it :lol:
 
There's still good'ns and badduns with every type of car I guess.

You said it bud, I just got unlucky. What really rankles is Hondas customer service, or lack thereof.

I've a very strong suspicion this might be my last Honda for a few years. Last Civic at least.

Yeah, I think that I'm done with Honda for a while. It feels to me that they've rather lost their way while trying to keep up with the Joneses.

Oh i've got some naughty ideas for this car, S-Tuner.net to the rescue :twisted:

I've never used that actually. Go on, show me what's lurking in that warped brain of yours.

These things are like a go-kart, got a friend who recently went through a phase of owning these. Excited to see what you do with it :lol:

Go-kart?! LOL, it corners like a new-born giraffe and won't go above 55....
 
micra3.jpgmicra2.jpgmicra1.jpg

First idea, sort of Kaiido Racer/Shakotan Style. Bit of Boso influence too in the pipes and the spoiler. With Yayoi wheels and some serious camber on the rear, gotta show up for when you're at Daikoku Services ;)

More to come :D
 
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